Archive for 30/05/06

Paris Texas

mayo 30, 2006

I knew these people. these two people. they were in love with eachother. the girl was very young… 17 or 18 I guess. and the guy was quite a bit older, he was kind of ragetey and wild… and she was very beautiful, you know. And toguether they turned everything into a kind of adventure. And she liked that. They were allways laughing at stupid things. He liked to make her laugh and… they didn’t much care about anything else, cause all they wanted is to be with eachother. They were allways toguether. And he… he loved her more than… he ever felt possible. Anyway, he started to drink real bad, he stayed out late to test her. To see if she get jealous. He wanted her to get jealous, but she didn’t. She just worried about him and that got him even madder.. He thought that she never got jealous of him, that she didn’t really care bout him. Jealousy was a sign of her love for him. and then, one night, one night she told him that she was pregnant. she was about 3 or 4 months pregnant. but he didn’t even know. and then suddelny everything would change. He stopped drinking and got a steady job. He was convinced that she loved him now cause she was carrying his child. And he was going to dedicate himself to making a home for her. But a funny thing started to happen. He didn’t even notice it at first. She started to change. the day the baby was borned she begun to be irritated about evrything around her. she got mad at anything. Even the baby seemed to be an injustice. He kept trying to make evrything allright for her. Buy her things, take her out to dinner once a week. But nothing seemed to satisfy her. But two years he struggled to pull them back together like they were when they first met. but finally, he knew that it was never going to work out. So he hit the bottle again. but this time, it got mean. This time when he came late home at night, she wasn’t worried about him or jealous. she was just in rage. She accused him of keeping her captive, making her have a baby. she told him that she dreamed about escaping. That was all she dreamed about: escape. She saw herself at nigh, running naked down a highway, running across fields, running down riverbeds, allways running. And allways just we she was about to get away, he would be there, he would stop her somehow. He would just appear to stop her. And when she told him these dreams, he believed them. he knew she had to be stopped or she was leaving forever. So he tied a cowbell around her ankle, so he could her at night if she tried to get out of bed. But she learned how to muffle the bell by stucking a sock into it. And she got away, out of the bed and into the night. He caught her one night when the sock fell out and he heard her running to the highway. He caught her and dragged her back to the trailer and tied her to the stove with his belt. He just left her there and went back to the bed and layed there listening to her screams and he listened to his son’s screams. He was surprised with himself, because he didn’t feel anything anymore. The only thing he wanted to do is to sleep. And for the first time he wished to be far away. Lost in the deep vast country where nobody knew him. Somewhere without language or streets. He dreamed about this place without knowing its name. And when he woke up, he was on fire. there were blue flames burning the sheets of his bed. He run thorugh the flames towards the only two people he loved. But they were gone. His arm were burning and he threw himself outside and rolled on the wet ground. And he ran. he never looked back to the fire. He just ran. He ran util the sun came up and he couldn’t run any further. And when the sun went down he ran again. For five days he ran like this. Until every sight of men had dissapeared.

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roto

mayo 30, 2006

después de dos días de rodaje, 9 horas en el sol de un ático de sagrada família y al día siguiente 5 horas de rodaje en la que besé por primera vez a un chico estoy roto. mi coherencia me lleva a no protegerme, a preferir exponer en núcleo blando en vez de usar cualquier tipo de coraza. ser sincero aunque sientas que el tiro no te va salir del todo bien. dudas si la próxima curva a la derecha tienes que tomarla en cuarta a 90 o mejor en tercera a 60. pero la tomas… y por supuesto solo esperas confirmación… te encuentras con que está muy bien, hueles bien, te apreto el biceps y mmhh… coincides en que un desliz no sería un momento no buscado, existe una voluntad por dos lados de negarlo. piensas y el silencio evidencía que demasiadas palabras rondan tu cabeza, pero estás preparado para decirlas. no tengas miedo. y te encuentras con la injusticia, tu te abres, te expones, lo dices; se había intuído, pero el silencio, tu respiración. Las miradas y las sonrisas codificadas. ¡Que problema! …otro gran problema es la codificación… maldita sea. un objeto solo no es solo el objeto ya que el fondo lo adjetiviza. el fondo es gran parte de la significación que se le da al objeto. un campo vacio, un establo oscuro, una playa… pon en estos fondos un caballo, el mismo caballo y el resto… el resto lo hace tu cabeza. creo que tengo fiebre. me ha dejado congelada la razón, desgarrada la sed de mi cuerpo. vuelve la razón y te das cuenta que todos contamos con un prototipo de pareja perfecta, puede que de ahí vengan esos grandes tópicos en los que hombres se desfogan: todas son iguales y mujeres a su vez: todos los hombres son iguales. no, lo que pasa es que nosotros buscamos ciertas cosas que nos gustan en nuestro contrario a complementar. haz una lista de todos tus ex y todos tienen algo en común. y vuelvo a casa, fumo el cigarrillo en la calle antes de subir, me desmonto… te dices: arriba, has sido tú, has sido coherente, sincero… pero te hundes, agotado, un tubo de dentífrico estrujado hasta la última gota, ni el olor de la cena te da hambre y eso que has comido una hamburguesa en todo el día, la cerveza te remata, el calor de la piel quemada, te hace quitarte todo lo posible y te duermes encogido, despiertas a las 2 de la mañana. Congelado y moqueas, tienes una canción en mente en un repeat constante, te duele en portugues y hasta que la transcribes parece que cede, pero hasta traducirla ha pasado otra hora… y ya no tienes sueño. suerte que tu gato nota tu intranquilidad, viene y se pone a tu lado. lo acarícias y te lame. te emocionas, pero el gato no quiere que le mojes y se acurruca a tu espalda. negación en vez de comprensión. el fondo de lo que sientes ha quedado claro, lo que no ha quedado claro es porqué la sinceridad de siempre no ha sido recíproca. la espalda roja por el sol y el interior de tu muñeca y antebrazo rojos por asperos lametazos sinceros.

Eu e você

mayo 30, 2006

Quem De Nós Dois – Ana Carolina

Eu e você
Não é assim tão complicado (É assim tão complicado)
Não é difícil perceber
Quem de nós dois
Vai dizer que é impossível
O amor acontecer

Se eu disser que já nem sinto nada
Que a estrada sem você é mais segura
Eu sei você vai rir da minha cara
Eu já conheço o teu sorriso, leio teu olhar
Teu sorriso é só disfarce
Que eu já nem preciso

Sinto dizer
Que amo mesmo,
Tá ruim pra disfarçar

Entre nós dois
Não cabe mais nenhum segredo
Além do que já combinamos

No vão das coisas que a gente disse
Não cabe mais sermos somente amigos
E quando eu falo que eu já nem quero
A frase fica pelo avesso
Meio na contra-mão
E quando finjo que esqueço
Eu não esqueci nada

E cada vez que eu fujo, eu me aproximo mais
E te perder de vista assim é ruim demais
E é por isso que atravesso o teu futuro y es por eso que atravieso tu futuro
E faço das lembranças um lugar seguro y hago de los recuerdos un lugar seguro

Não é que eu queira reviver nenhum passado
Nem revirar um sentimento revirado
Mas toda vez que eu procuro uma saída
Acabo entrando sem querer na tua vida

Eu procurei
Qualquer desculpa
Pra não te encarar

Pra não dizer
De novo e sempre a mesma coisa
Falar só por falar

Que eu já não tô nem aí pra essa conversa
Que a história de nós dois não me interessa
Se eu tento esconder meias verdades
Você conhece o meu sorriso
Lê no meu olhar
Meu sorriso é só disfarce
O que eu já nem preciso

E cada vez que eu fujo, eu me aproximo mais
E te perder de vista assim é ruim demais
E é por isso que atravesso o teu futuro
E faço das lembranças um lugar seguro

Não é que eu queira reviver nenhum passado
Nem revirar um sentimento revirado
Mas toda vez que eu procuro uma saída
Acabo entrando sem querer na tua vida

que lío

mayo 30, 2006

yo me lío
tú te lías
él y ella también se lían

nosotros no nos líamos

vosotros os líais o ya se os lía todo
ellos se lían y ellas