no reading, no shit. just music in your ears. listening to the damned soundtrack of trainspotting. jerking off with the deleted scenes and you know what?
I am not quite satisfied. this is a big bullshit.
Instead I’d love to make a sincere transaction of feelings, do you know what I mean?
God I love this scottish accent and this little Denise… well by the time you know who I’m referring to you will you that I am a fucking bastard, a scrrrewed peerrverrrt.
But a man has to do what a man has to do and instead of waiting until I get shagged. I decided to actively shag somebody… go out, dance until your last drop of sweat falls off your forehead and you stink like a disgusting pig, but you don’t give a shit, cause you will only be conscious of this the next morning. and your skin is yellow cause you forgot to eat a week ago.
maybe you feel bad, but I don’t I’m just a bad person.
someone who just doesn’t give a shit.
the only thing i wanted before all this got started was to get back some love I’h put in …
but if, in case you feel like me, having liquid and then thick poo running down your legs, then stop reading for a second, open the next window and shout out you lungs until they hurt. say whatever… say random… say time… just scream something for christs sake.
now sit down and feel the blood running through your veins, regret it.
the love you gave is not coming back on the same level you gave it.
and now you remember her, and you loved her and she was there for you, even if the way you needed her to be is not the way it is distorted, and you would look back to the happy moments where there were no thing such as a smile, a blink of her eyes…
stop reading, there’s no way back, you just fucked this up.
no other transaction is possible by now.